“Warriors should suffer their pain silently.” ― Erin Hunter

Hello everybody'hhh~ It's been so much exhausting week for me. Raining won't stop, so do I who won't stop crying. :'D

My holiday will end soon and I'm gonna face superb busy semester. Been thinking about some subjects in this semester and I have to take KKN as well, still confused whether it's been fixed or not. Hoho. Life gets harder, doesn't it? This time is probably one of the hardest times for me, I keep crying recently because one or two things.

I want to share about a story of mine when I was in elementary school. Not many people know that I was bullied when I was child, perhaps I knew at that time, but I ignored that fact since I was afraid of losing friends. Some of my friends bullied me, both mentally and physically. I don't know whether they realize that they did it or not, but yeah it was a quite difficult moment for me. They said bad words to me, they made ridicule of me using inappropriate words which did hurt me alot. They hit me sometimes, but I was just silent.

The only thing I was worried about at that time is that how if I didn't have any friends, how if I had to be alone. It scared me so much. That is why I received all bad treats done by my friends.

I was ever been stayed away by dozen of my friends, most of them are girl. I didn't know what I had done wrong and made them treat me that way. I was so upset, I had no one to sit with, to play with or to share with. When I talk to/ask them, they would ignore me or if they were good enough they would give a piece of feedback and would go soon. I knew pretty much that their act was conducted by certain persons, these persons asked their colony to stop talking and staying away from me, unless they would be treated like me as well. As the time went by I tried to comfort my self, I started to enjoy to be me, not to depend to others, just depend on me. And it worked out, they got bored of ignoring me and they started to approach me back first. Then it wouldn't feel the same, I started to be afraid of people. I never know what are they going to do to me.
Many of you may think that I'm a tough girl, like you can treat me the way you like since I'll just be fine all the way, but hey I'm a human. I have a heart, which actually easily gets hurt. Have I ever said that it's pretty hard for me to fit in anybody? I probably have different way of thought, topic to discuss, way of communicating, and way of facing problems and conditions. I can't make everyone like me as I am and I can't easily get along with people for honest. Yeah, my past very influences me.
My friends can be counted, it's extremely hard fighting for me to believe people. And oh, I got hurt by others for several more times, it makes me even much more scared. I think that everyone is dangerous and scary. Their words, most likely can break you into pieces. No, I'm not drama queen, that's the fact. You may treat people the best way you can, but then you get different back like the fact is that they mocking you alot using bad words, end up by making you so much down and sad. Can you imagine how dreadful they are!
When I said it can make me sad, it really does. When they attack the most fragile part of me, I'll be torn and cry all day long. And keep crying whenever that accident passes my mind again and again. Maybe I don't have as big heart as they or I think, maybe I'm not so that tough.
It may sounds childish or even evil, but I will not treat them (they who hurt me) as the same way before. If you know, that shit happens, thing I'm gonna do is simply stay away from them. They scare me and I'm afraid they're gonna make a shit of me again, so it's better to keep distance yeah? Not only that, I will no longer talk to them, I'll ignore them like they were never exist in my life. Rude? No, that's the most polite way to treat them :)
My mom ever said to me that "Even before a person was born in this world, God had already given them all those behavior, attitude, skill, and other characteristics. They may be good and bad of course. Some may be changed and some may not. What we have to do is accept it and appreciate it."
Yeah and I learn from that, they may hurt me and do something bad to me, but If I do revenge and do what they do to me it means that I have no difference with them. We both are bad, see? So, I have a different way. It's okay if they treat me bad and make me cry like crazy, I'll forgive them, but I'll never forget. Like what Maya Angelou said that 'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.'
So, people. Be careful, I mean in your words and acts. You may not realize that it can irritate others deeply. If you don't like people, just leave them. And don't talk something bad about them. Don't like, then keep distance, don't bother each other, and problem solved!
Hohoho, how do I feel now? I tell you this is the hard time for me, but it's gonna be alright, I'm a warrior.

I said that my friends can be counted, no? And I definitely can count on them. I miss them alot  Anis (goes to Vietnem and will go back next moon) and Ani (has holiday at home)

Kisses and Hugs
Anggra