I'm changed, indeed
My old friends, who are up to now still being my friends, consider that somehow I'm just weird by nature and they also say that I change alot for this far. And since we only meet up once in a while, they claim that I start being a different person from a person who I used to be. I change, like alot, indeed. And how I realize that I'm changing into same person with different personality and preferences often shock me.
I feel insecure each time I stay in such crowded places. Meeting a new people or people I used to know is really a hard battle for me. I had ever met my friend, who used to be my best friend (if you know what I mean), when I was having lunch. I know she was there with her sister, I had realized that they sit there even before I reached the place, but do you know what I did? I acted like a dumb chicken, literally. I intentionally ignored them and pretended that they weren't there. I know it sounds so bad, yes? But I just so damn bad in making interaction with people. It's one of examples of how different I am, they way I can't and won't make interactions with people I'm afraid with. People get scary day by day, don't they? And that's how it scares me as hell.
All in all, I'm a human who has bunch of flaws.
Every single thing in this life teaches me heap of things, those bad and good experiences grow me becoming how I am now. I did really bad things in my past, really bad things that sometimes come back attacking me and make me feel so bad, they always be my eternal nightmares, but what can I do? Life goes on. I used to regret all bad things in my life, but as the time I get older I realize that it's gonna result nothing if I keep regretting. Those bad things are always be my best teachers, show me which one is good or bad.
If they say I'm changing into different person then I'll be just okay, I mean I won't try to show them that I'm not, I'll just let them know who I am now. Maybe, it's maybe showing how those bad things affect my life-changing up to now.
Here I am in this my new life, who sometimes act like a dumb and do sucks things people hate, but I always give my best not to harm anyone, to be the newest me, to be a better person. I keep trying to bury those nightmares deep down in this heart, but I believe that they'll always be there, and sometimes appear themselves to remind me again how I suppose to keep learning from my darkest past.
Do I also wanna erase all those people had given me bad experiences or harmed me? Then yes I will. I just wanna close any doors which can probably give them access to meet me, to frighten me, to attack me. I just wanna be safe for the rest of my life. And I hope for their best life as well, to live their own life without bothering mine.
Ah~ sorry for talking nonsense, I just feel so much insecure lately. Better end this post
Kisses and Hugs - Anggra
PS: Mind my bad habit for not blogging for so long, I've been struggling to get graduated this year, so I gotta do my thesis and stuffs, you know. Love ya people!
I feel insecure each time I stay in such crowded places. Meeting a new people or people I used to know is really a hard battle for me. I had ever met my friend, who used to be my best friend (if you know what I mean), when I was having lunch. I know she was there with her sister, I had realized that they sit there even before I reached the place, but do you know what I did? I acted like a dumb chicken, literally. I intentionally ignored them and pretended that they weren't there. I know it sounds so bad, yes? But I just so damn bad in making interaction with people. It's one of examples of how different I am, they way I can't and won't make interactions with people I'm afraid with. People get scary day by day, don't they? And that's how it scares me as hell.
All in all, I'm a human who has bunch of flaws.
Every single thing in this life teaches me heap of things, those bad and good experiences grow me becoming how I am now. I did really bad things in my past, really bad things that sometimes come back attacking me and make me feel so bad, they always be my eternal nightmares, but what can I do? Life goes on. I used to regret all bad things in my life, but as the time I get older I realize that it's gonna result nothing if I keep regretting. Those bad things are always be my best teachers, show me which one is good or bad.
If they say I'm changing into different person then I'll be just okay, I mean I won't try to show them that I'm not, I'll just let them know who I am now. Maybe, it's maybe showing how those bad things affect my life-changing up to now.
Here I am in this my new life, who sometimes act like a dumb and do sucks things people hate, but I always give my best not to harm anyone, to be the newest me, to be a better person. I keep trying to bury those nightmares deep down in this heart, but I believe that they'll always be there, and sometimes appear themselves to remind me again how I suppose to keep learning from my darkest past.
Do I also wanna erase all those people had given me bad experiences or harmed me? Then yes I will. I just wanna close any doors which can probably give them access to meet me, to frighten me, to attack me. I just wanna be safe for the rest of my life. And I hope for their best life as well, to live their own life without bothering mine.
Ah~ sorry for talking nonsense, I just feel so much insecure lately. Better end this post
Kisses and Hugs - Anggra
PS: Mind my bad habit for not blogging for so long, I've been struggling to get graduated this year, so I gotta do my thesis and stuffs, you know. Love ya people!
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